Happy Birthday Grandfathers!

Dear Pops,

Love you Pops. I love you so much Pops around the earth and to the planets. I love how you are my best friend. Happy Birthday from Elizabeth.

Happy Birthday Pops! Hope you have the best birthday! I love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Love Katherine!

Whaaa! Ehh, ooh. Love Rebecca

Thank you for loving us. We are honored to have you as our very own Pops. What a blessing! Did we mention that it is your 20th anniversary of your 50th birthday to the world yet! Oh well, you may not notice now that you are 70 YEARS OLD! Love, The Gatti Girls

Dear Poppy,

I love you Poppy. I love you so much. Happy Birthday! Love, Elizabeth (who wants to go watch Hannah Montana now)

Happy Birthday Poppy! I hope you had the best birthday ever! Your party was great!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Love, Katherine

Whaa, ehh, ooh! Love, Rebecca

Poppy, thanks for being our grandfather. You are always there when we need a prayer. If only every girl could have a Poppy to sit by her side! What a blessing to have a grandfather who loves us! Happy Birthday, the Gatti Girls.

God's Understanding

Those of you who know me best can appreciate a colleague declaring the SGSTS (Susan Gatti Scattered Thought Syndrome) in my honor. The scattered thoughts raced through my head as I am not even attempting to sleep yet. I am thinking of all the comments people have made to me, all well intended. Some comments are worthy of a blog and some not so worthy. I would just like each of you to have a reference point for your thoughts that orient you to my own. Perhaps this perspective can help you as you talk with those who have been through a difficult time.

I am NOT skilled to understand what has happened to my family. I have often cried and repeatedly stated that I do not understand. Each time I come to the same conclusion: I do not have to understand because God does. Some comments from others and thoughts from my own head have questioned the timing of Rebecca's birth. Some statements have even questioned her revival in fear of a difficult life. Many remarks have noted nothing was wrong prior to that night. Please remember that it is not our place to question God's plan for our lives or the lives of those we love. His understanding is perfect. I believe that when I am seated next to my Heavenly Father He will have some "videos" prepared for me. One will demonstrate what my life and the life of my family would have been like if Rebecca's birth had occurred without complication - the other if Rebecca had not survived. Perhaps only then will I completely understand why she has had to endure the pain and suffering she has. Until that time, I trust that God knows best and remains in control. He will sustain my family and carry out His plan according to His good and perfect will.

School Begins

Welcome to the day Katherine started school. Much to our amazement, our oldest baby started 2nd grade! Rebecca looked around for sources of entertainment. Katherine had left for school, and Elizabeth was sleeping off a respiratory infection. Rebecca was not happy with the result - only a mom to entertain. Fortunately her sister arrived home after not too long and saved her. To add insult to injury, I had to go back to work this week, and Elizabeth begins preschool after Labor Day. Preschool can begin for Elizabeth because she accomplished her summer goal - swimming independently across the pool!

I apologize for the lack of posts - not typically a good sign. Let me get the health updates out of the way. When we returned from Dallas, Rebecca continued to have seizures. To complicate things her seizures have also presented similar to an infantile reaction to severe gastric reflux. We confirmed the presence of reflux and adjusted her medications and things then improved. Now it was Elizabeth's turn. She suffered from a very high fever and vomiting as a result of an upper respiratory infection for several days. Rebecca was next to share in the illness. We are still trying to return her to health and stop the vomiting. Nutrition is far too critical for her at this point for her to lose any nutrients. My prayer warriors need to pray that the vomiting has been a result of the infections and not a more lasting GI complication. We have an appointment to make sure it is not the latter. As all mothers can appreciate - Katherine has now started coughing, and dad is taking Tylenol Sinus. I believe God has bestowed immune systems of steel to mothers.

Yes, you did read that I returned to work and survived. I was pleasantly surprised that I have some memory left! As I struggle with leaving my children, I was given the knowledge that as long as we glorify God in our actions these actions are worthwhile. I was highly remorseful because it occurred to me that my past work actions have not glorified God. I have not consistently prayed over each child and family I have worked with in the past. I had neglected to use my work to serve the Lord in the most simple of ways. This error has been corrected. My limited knowledge from graduate school and working experience has been helpful professionally and personally. However, I am only an endlessly flawed sinner. My direction needs to come from the Lord if I am to make wise decisions. I have told several friends that my psychology books have been on the shelf collecting dust, and my Bible and spiritual books are on my nightstand. I now recognize that this needs to happen in both my home and my work if my professional career is to be worthwhile. I pray that each of you are able to find a way to make your actions worthwhile, and I would appreciate the same prayer for me in return!

A Secret Truth

I am now more terrified because not only has Ryan informed others about this site, but it also appears that people are reading it. Thank you for your compliments. Please know that I may not always respond appropriately to them. My verbal abilities have always been questionable. What I want to convey is that it is not by my vision that I am able to see things clearly or by my strength that I am standing. It is God and God alone. Do not be convinced that I am always in a clear mind or strong either. For each day I ask God for the strength and wisdom to make it through the day (as well as anything else He knows I may need).

What I am about to share may have you convinced that I need to be institutionalized or convinced that God revealed a secret truth to me. I am hoping it is the latter. The other day I was watching the typical lives of those around me continuing as usual. I was alone with Rebecca at that moment. God revealed a secret to me that was too amazing to keep to myself and too mysterious for words to describe. I believe that He intended it to be too difficult to convey with words so that He alone has the power to reveal the truth in His perfect timing to each of us. I will do my best to describe it for you. It had something to do with the nothingness with which we consume ourselves and the temporary nature of this life. It had to do with the beauty of His grace and His eternity. For this life is not intended to be about us but about our Creator. What we do has eternal meaning only to the extent that it brings glory to God. I pray that each of you who reads this may also experience this secret truth that was revealed to me.

Placing Faith

I now recognize that many of you are using this site to keep up with Rebecca's health. She has been through a great deal since my last post. In summary, she was placed on a medication that is not appropriate for infants. Since she metabolized the medication so quickly, her episodes worsened again. Following an additional hospitalization, God led us to Dallas Children's Medical Center where we were treated with compassionate and knowledgeable physicians and staff. Following the immediate treatment of her seizures, another EEG confirmed that she was in fact having seizures. Nothing was stated that suggested Dystonia, which means we do not know whether this is present or not. They had already started her on the appropriate medication when the seizure was recorded. She appeared to be on an appropriate dosage, but she has had additional episodes. The recent seizures have been much less severe. We are following up with our pediatrician today to check her medication levels. What has sustained us all during this process is that our faith has been in the Lord to direct us, not the physicians - No offense intended to medical professionals. The Lord guided us from physician without much hope to physicians that have clearly seen and believe in God's workmanship and healing. Please continue to pray for Rebecca. The most pressing need for her right now is for her seizures to be controlled and for her to be able to latch on and take a bottle with ease. Overall, she is doing much better. In the past, she has either been crying or sleeping. She has clearly been in a great deal of pain over the last several weeks. With the new medication it is as though we have our baby back most of the time. She sits contently and explores her environment as a baby should. Her sisters are at long last able to hold her and kiss her again. Thank you for your thoughts and prayers.

I write this to assure each of you and to announce that Rebecca is a miracle of God. People say she never should have opened her eyes following her birth. They said she would likely need a feeding tube. But I say to you, God is faithful. His word is living and His grace is true. We prayed for her to breathe independently - she did. We prayed for her kidneys to function independently - they did. We prayed for her to be able to regulate her temperature - she did. We prayed for her to be able to eat - she did. We prayed for her to not only be able to eat, but to nurse - she did. All of these acts and so many more are evidence of God's love and faithfulness, and he is not finished with her yet. God has healed my child - He has made her whole. Surely her life has already been more successful and meaningful than my own. For we were made to worship our Father and to introduce the lost to Him. Rebecca started working in His fields to increase His harvest from her first breathe. May each of you who reads this know the Father who forgives our sins and cures all diseases and the Son who was wounded and sacrificed that we may be healed.

Update

Rebecca is now home from the hospital. Monday night she began to have what appeared to be seizures. After additional testing, the physicians believe that she has dystonia as a result of the brain injury - not seizures. The medication for either is the same, and we have been sent home on this medicine. She has not had an episode since early Wednesday and is doing well. Please continue to pray for her as she goes through the healing process.