Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is a time of reflection and thanks.  This was a tough start for the school year because Rebecca was supposed to start Kindergarten.  Of course, her injury keeps her at home.  I did not know how the girls would react to this.  First days of school are such a standard event.  The only day we are early, hot breakfast, good attitudes, you know a unique experience.  Rebecca is doing good.  Her seizures are getting worse, she is getting taller, but she still weighs about 20 pounds. She will be 6 in April. 

Was not really sure how to handle her missing this milestone or help our family cope with it.  It was a difficult time.  She would have loved attending PCA, just like her sisters.  But her brain injury has limited her to a world of blindness and where she only feels pain and hunger.  But it is a world where she is surrounded by people that love her.  Especially, Mrs. Cathy who God brought to save us and care for Rebecca as if she was her favorite grandchild.  Truly a saint. 

Unable to find adequate words to guide, I was simply silent on the subject.  I decided I would talk about Rebecca missing out on school only if someone else brought it up.  Did not have a peace about talking through this event with the kids.  I had no words of comfort, clarity or perspective.  I was not sure why.  And in the sorority house of emotions that is our home, it remarkably passed without a word and was not brought up.

So thankfulness is really based on a realization that your fears and foes in life are on God's radar.  The first Pilgrim's were not excited about the food and friends.  They weren't planning on leaving family and friends to line up at the mercantile for Black Friday.  They were focused on coming together and Thanking God that what they feared was on God's radar.  They understood their entire existence was sustained and protected by God's wisdom, not their own.  They knew they could not do it on their own.  He brought them what they needed when they needed it even when they did not know what they needed- because they prayed alone and together for His will.  His presence was their assurance.  The trials and tribulations in their lives (death, disease, suffering) were viewed as opportunities for either God to show up and/or for them to stand up on the promises and commands of His word. No other alternative existed. 

Mrs. Scales, Beth's 4th grade teacher, encourages them to write a prayer journal each day.  Mrs. Scales and PCA are a blessing from God.  Beth never lets me read her Prayer journal, but she asked Susan and I to read this entry.  Its like she knew I needed to know. She processed her emotions with God and through His promises, not apart from them. 

My biggest fear is that my kids front row seat to this painful life Rebecca endures will spoil the precious seeds of faith planted in their life-and who could blame them.  So when I read this entry, it stirred an emotion of Thanks- because my fear was on His radar. 

May God bless you and keep you during this Season of THANKS!!

Today is Rebecca's 5th Birthday.  She is a strong fighter and has really struggled these last few years.  We love her and we are blessed by all the family and friends that love her. 
I just realized we haven't posted anything since last year.  Many of the doctor's never thought Rebecca would make it to her fifth birthday.  She is getting taller, but still only weighs about twenty pounds.  We thought she would need hip surgery a few months ago because the xrays revealed that her hips were out of socket.  They were gradually coming out of socket because her seizures cause her legs to cross at the knee and the force pulls her hips out.  So after thousands of seizures the inevitable happened.  This did not cause pain, because she does not walk.  After much prayer we decided not to do the surgery, because it would have required her to be in body cast for 6-8 weeks.  Also, she is so weak she may not have made it through the surgery or recovery and if she did she would have been in complete pain.  Since she is not weight bearing and will not walk, the surgery was not really necessary.   

Her seizures are a little more violent and frequent, but she handles them like a champ. 

Katherine and Elizabeth are playing the piano like pros.  They are at the point that I cannot help them and have been there since after the third lesson many years ago.  Mrs. Holbert is a great instructor and a blessing.  Katherine is dancing at Vicki's (another fine family that is a blessing to us) and is a Cheerleader at Providence Classical Academy.  Elizabeth is also dancing and plays softball.  She hits first or second because she always gets on base and plays second.  Neither has made a B yet on a report card.  Much better students than I ever was. 

Charlotte turned two and she is running the house.  She has two dogs and four ducks, well now three (don't ask.)  The ducks have Latin names- cause that's how we roll.  Katherine and Elizabeth have taught Charlotte most of the alphabet and she is already sarcastic.   

Susan is the assistant principal at Providence Classical Academy and teaches Latin and Advanced Math.  She loves her co-workers and staff.  They are such a great group of Christian leaders.  The school has really been a blessing to us because we need an environment that is equipped to nurture the spiritual side of our kids as they struggle.  The academics are rigorous, but the focus is on God.  The people at PCA have been a huge blessing this last year.

I am head chauffeur.  I spend most of the days in car lines.  I feel the pressure of a World War II paratrooper pilot in each car line only putting my foot on the break long enough to drop off the cargo and then moving on.  "Backpack" "Check""Lunch" "Check" "Dance Clothes" "Check" "Check"--- "GO GO GO."  I think every SUV should come standard with a red/green jump light above each passenger door to make the car line more efficient. 

Last year's every Thursday Chapel, turned into an everyday middle school chapel this school year.  This is truly the highlight of my day.  The middle schoolers at PCA really love God and want to know more about Him.  We start everyday with a 30 minute chapel lesson that challenges them.  This has been a blessing to me.  About two weeks into the school year I asked said" Look, I can't cover everything in 30 minutes.  If I bring some donuts and milk, then how many of you would come to school thirty minutes earlier on Tuesdays and Thursday to have a Bible Club?"  The next Tuesday, they ALL showed up and brought their little brothers and sisters.  What an amazing group of young men and women.  I like to think the donuts are only part of the reason they come. 

Mike Riddle from Answers in Genesis spoke at one Chapel time a few months ago.  He asked questions and drilled our students.  When he left he looked me in the eye and said "Ryan, I cannot believe how much those kids know about Genesis Chapters 1-11. Its remarkable."  I responded "They get it everyday from their teachers. Isn't is amazing." 

When Susan resigned from the Health Science Center after we realized how bad Rebecca's illness was, she said "I'll never be able to work anywhere again unless it is a Christian environment."  Not knocking her job, but feeling a need to make an impact for God in an environment that showed Him His full due respect.  Of course, my reaction was "I agree," but I was thinking "Where in the world is a PhD Psychologist going to get a job where God is honored."  A few years later God provided PCA as an opportunity for Susan to work in a Christian environment and use her doctorate.  This is an environment where God is honored and given His full respect.  He is not an accessory He is the centerpiece. 

It is hard to believe that five years have passed since that awful night, that awful storm in our life.  Where I almost lost the love of my life and my baby girl.   But God has seen us through it.  He carries us each day.  He draws us near to him and continues to transform us as He reveals more of Himself to us.  I remember times that I have been in sadness over Rebecca, pushing meds through her tube or holding her through a seizure and screams and the Prince of Darkness coaxes me to a content sadness. It is those times that we draw near to God and sometimes He does not say a word.  That silence used to bother me.  Recently, I heard something that gave me comfort.  Does a teacher talk when they are giving a test? No, because if they did, they would not be a good teacher.  Telling an answer during a test results in a false awareness for the student.  It is not right.  So the teacher stays quiet until the end of the test and then gives the honest results.  So, God is silent during our struggles because He is the great teacher, once the test is over, HE will let us know how we did.  He will give us an honest account so we can know where we are and what corrections need to be made. 

Thank you for your continued prayers.  We need them now more than ever. 

4th Birthday

Rebecca turns four on Monday. Her condition has not changed. Really had a tough time last week in church when I realized that the kids that were signing during the service were her age. That would have been her class. One of those things you don't really think about untill it happens.

Charlotte is walking around the house and "talking." She has tubes put in her ears a few weeks ago and it is a world of difference.

Elizabeth is playing pitcher this year and catches a fly ball each game.

Katherine is pitching and playing first base.

Susan is working at the school.

Life is fast.......

The highlight of my week is teaching chapel at Providence on Thursday mornings.

Easter is just the ointment that we need.

Continued Blessings

Elizabeth came home from school yesterday excited to tell me that she had an opportunity to write an essay on courage. She proceeded to share that she wrote about Rebecca. Following is her writing in her words.

Rebecca

I had to have couage when my sister was born. You might think it's just a ordinary baby, but she's not. When was born the dr. messed up and she died for 15 min. Good thing another dr. came in and brought her to life, but she wasn't the same. She can't see, talk or move. She's 3 yr. old now. I had to have courage so she wouldn't be so scared. I got courage by praying to God and go through the rough time and not cry. Just a few weeks ago, Rebecca had to have casts on her feet. If she didn't her hips would pop out of socket. For 3 weeks she had to have them on. Now she has AFO's, they are still on her feet but they are better than casts. She has seizures and she arches with her feet and sometime her arm twists all the way around. She can't control her body at all, not even a little, tinsy bit. But she can hear every word you say. She's perfect because she cannot sin. It's because she cannot control herself. She is so sweet, loving, adorable, precios, ONE OF A KIND! She is everything good you can imangine ant more! I love her so much! If she weren't with us, I would loose a big, huge, enormus part of me. But she'll always be my Rebecca!

I stand in awe of Rebecca's influence and how it continues to spread throughout this world. I also have been able to speak to third and fourth grade classrooms through teaching Latin vocabulary and its derivitives about the inappropriateness of using the word retarded. Which allowed me to hopefully influence them to look at special needs children through a different perspective, continuing the influence of Katherine's previous essay. I recognize that her presence in our lives has strengthened our faith via a process that we could not have achieved in any other manner. Hence the naming of our fourth daughter, Charlotte Faith (meaning "strong faith"). Finally, it struck me once again this morning as Charlotte snuggled into me that she would most likely not be here if it had not been for her big sister, Rebecca. So I stand before you as evidence that you can "count it all joy" when trials come your way (James 1:2). It is during the difficult times that we grow in patience, character, and hope. ("And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience: And patience, experience; and experience, hope: And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us." Romans 5:3-5).

May God bless each of you and your familys today and always,

Susan

Triumphs and Tears

This has been a great year. We welcomed Charlotte Faith into the family on February 17th. She is a precious baby and a giggle machine. We are so thankful for her as she brightens our days in so many ways.

Katherine and Elizabeth are enjoying their new school. Providence Classical Academy is helping them gain a biblical perspective of learning and wisdom. Katherine is memorizing the first chapter of the Book of John. Elizabeth is studying the Book of James and Jude. God is allowing them and their new friends to grow in strength and wisdom through Christ.

Rebecca is having a tough time. Yesterday, Susan took her to Shriner's in Shreveport. Because of the danger of her hips popping out of socket, they placed casts on both of her legs from the knee down. This will help her feet and ankles from becoming too deformed from non use. She is being so stong through this hard time and really reveals to us a perserverance in God's love. We have cried and prayed, but all with a hope of her healing.

It is amazing how God has revealed himself to us during this time. Yesterday, Susan left Shriners and had to stop to get gas before going to the pharmacy. I cannot imagine what a horrible morning that was, looking at xrays of Rebecca's hip and seeing that her constant seizures are causing her muscles to tighten and gradually pull her hip out of socket. Watching as they held her down to place the casts on her feet. Knowing that Rebecca hates to be restrained in any way. But, as Susan entered the van after getting gas, just her and Rebecca, KLOVE randomly played " Praise you in this Storm." A song that has really been our response to this trail we are in.

Looking back over these last three and a half years, I know that Satan wanted to use this trial to ruin our family, our marriage and our children and basically render Susan and I ineffective in our Christian walk. I rejoice daily that God gave us the opportunity to lean on Him when our wisdom and strength was depleted so that He could sustain us and get the Glory for this time. I am also glad that we as a family knew to call upon Him to give us the strength necessary to Praise Him in this Storm. He is the provider of the strength necessary to perfect His will.

We covet your prayers for Rebecca and thank you in advance for contining to pray for her.

Rebecca's 3rd Birthday is on the 25th.

Its hard to fathom that Rebecca has been fighting for three years. She has constant seizures and the pain is overwhemling. I spent a few extra hours with her this morning- trying to modify her chair so that she would be comfortable-- cannot wait for God to remove these seizures from her. He understands the pain of watching your child suffer, because He saw His Son beaten and crucified. I am in constant awe that God has given us the grace and strength to endure and prosper during this time. He has held us together and kept us at peace.

I long for the day that I will see her run the bases in that softball field in heaven, cheer as she swims a lap, teach her to fish, listen to her play the piano, or help her draw. Can't wait to see her smile for the first time-- hear her laugh-- her giggle --- her voice. Can't wait to walk with her and hold her hand and just visit. But for God's promise of Heaven and eternal life, I would have no Hope.

But is it really that bad that the very first thing she will see with her eyes will be our Savior? That her first words will be spoken in Heaven and will be "Holy is the Lamb!" That Jesus will tell her to see and walk and she will. That God will erase the pain of this world from her memory bank.

Sometimes I wonder if she won't know I love her till then. I talk to her like the eternal being that she is--one that I will recognize in eternity. Job, after losing all he had including his children said " Naked I came from my mother's womb and naked I will depart, The LORD has given and The LORD has taken away, may the name of The LORD be praised." We should praise God in these storms, because our turning to praise is the evidence of movement towards the ultimate end result of our salvation--becoming like Christ. This is what it feels like to be loved by God-- the comfort provided when this world strikes at the heart of what you love most--when Heaven has to be real or the suffering of this world makes no sense. That God's provisions of love and grace will satisfy the hungry heart that longs for still waters. When an examination of the facts of your life provide enough circumstantial evidence to reveal beyond all doubt that God's intent it to hold on to you in the storm. He is in the boat and ready to calm the storm--by revealing His authority over it.

God provides wisdom to those who seek it and fear Him. He provides comfort to His flock. He provides redemption to the surrendered and comfort to those in need. The comfort He provides is in the form of a deeper understanding of the rescue that will occur when He returns or calls each of us home.

Please take a minute on April 25, 2010 and pray for our family. We need your prayers.

Rebecca Pictures

Since I am in the blogging mood today, I thought I would share some pictures of Rebecca from the Fall. I hope you enjoy!